Keeping the FIE-YAH in Your Relationships!

If you’re married, you know that there is alot of work that goes into keeping the relationship on Fie-YAH! OK…so let’s start with number one ….

Communicate!

Communicate!

Communicate!

OK. What do I mean by Communicate? Do you KNOW what your mate thinks is hot? Do you know what they think is hot about you? Do you know what gets them hot? Do you know what they see in other people that they find appealing? Well you may think you know, but you MIGHT have no idea. So talk about it. Be open….and go with it. My husband and I can go to a club and talk about the women that he finds attractive. And he will tell me why. Usually we use that information/image for our own “benefit” later on that night….but that’s TMI I’m sure. So back to you…..does your sig other like movies? Watch one with him. Does he like erotic fiction? Read a story to each other. Try something new. You neva know….you might like it.

Anywho….Next… Keep it tight! I’ve birthed TWO 9 lb babies, so I know that you don’t have to turn into a jelly donut after having children. And if you do, then don’t blame it on the kids. Do something about it. I may have gotten a little bitta hips this time….but hey…I had ZERO before….so that’s a good thing. I’m not saying you have to be skinny….but you should be the same size (or close to it) that you were before you had the kids unless there is something medically amiss. My cousin was on FULL bedrest, dropped out a set of twins and was back in a size 4 before you could say, “Can I get some fries with that shake?” If you were thick and your sig other likes ’em thick….the stay that way. If you were a size TWO, then you should not be a size Twenty-two once the kids drop out. I’m not even saying you’ll be a size TWO again, but Twenty-two????

Now Keep It Tight ain’t just about the body…how about your hair & clothes. Do you stay in sweats and a pony tail now that you and your sig other have been together a while. Put on some make-up, do your hair and put on a nice outfit that shows off your body or at least the body parts he likes. Keep it tight.

Now I know that gravity, mother nature and plain ol’ age plays a role, but walk around the block or something. Do some Kegel exercises and get those pelvic muscles doing the Harlem Shake or at least the Shoulda Lean. If you need help, there are little internal weights that can help you get where you want to be.

Finally, keep your SWAGGA tight. Did you used to walk in the spot like your shyt don’t stink? Did you draw stares of both admiration AND envy? Or were you a wallflower? Now if you were a wallflower, then go no further, but if you stepped up in the place like your shyt was lined with gold, then get that SWAGGA back. Hey….I know and understand that everybody’s can’t be lined with platinum…but there is certainly at least a gold standard. Here’s hoping to a plan in ’08 that gets you where you wanna be or if you’re already where you wanna be, here’s to keepin’ it tight.

Much love and kisses!

A. Fox

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0 Comments

  • Vanessa

    Reply Reply June 17, 2008

    I couldn’t agree more with Communicate, Communicate, Communicate, but I sure would like to see information regarding what a man should do to keep the fires stoked for his mate. I don’t want to contribute any literature that leaves this aspect of a marriage totally up to a woman, because we need a mind F*#@k before we can even get to the bodily one. It’s the one thing men forget. Stimulate the mind to get to the body.

  • happyfatskinnygirl

    Reply Reply June 17, 2008

    Great article Fox. As usual you keep it honest, informative and to the point. But I would like to hear what the fellas should be doing AND what as couples should we do together? I mean I may be a triple-dime all the time but I cant keep the “fire” going all by myself… We may have been up all night…but now all I get is the “one-minute” treatment. There may have been impromptu expressions of love, but now all I get is the obligatory Valentines card and roses…. I’m just saying… It goes both ways right… What do you think?

  • Pammy

    Reply Reply June 17, 2008

    Excellent! Kudos to the sista, you hit the nail right on the head. I believe and speak all your words loud and clear. And if I may add, this information does not just apply to childbirth, marriage or engagement. This applies to when the relationship is still in courtship/dating mode, when it has been established that there is a relationship and all the way to the alter. This is the law of attrackeep- you know attracting him and keeping him. Now that we have taken care of our side, like the sista happyfatskinnygirl says, what about the men. When they fall out of line then what?

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply June 17, 2008

    I will try to get my husband to draft a response ladies…b/c you are SOOOO correct. I did not purposely leave the men out…but I was writing from the woman’s point of view around what we SHOULD do….but I’m definitely with Vanessa…it ALL starts in the mind…totally. Tell me about your fantasy; something to get my “juices” flowin….

    But we’re (my husband and I) good at that…and when I just need a “sleeping pill”…I can say that too. I let him know when work is required or when it’s not.

    I’ll see what I can do to nudge a male response this way!!!

  • Kevin J

    Reply Reply June 17, 2008

    As the husband of A Fox, its funny to read her articles but I must admit she is as good a wife as she is a writer. So if you want a mans view on what we need to do, here it is. Three simple things.
    One, a man should never let his woman forget that other women still find him attractive. I am not saying, he should go out and give out his cellphone number but I am saying he should keep his game tight so when you and him are out, other women are checking him out. Its amazing what that does for your sex life.
    Two, speaking of sex life, men should start planning to have sex, that night, before breakfast instead of when his wife starts snoring (and yes ladies you do snore). He needs to realize women need a lot more to get going than a man especially after a few years in the relationship. A nice kiss in the morning, bringing home dinner or folding a load of clothes and VOILA, look who’s getting some tonight. **Note** This doesn’t apply to men who no longer desire their mate ** More to come after the next article.
    Finally, we should take time to find out what makes us happy. If we are not happy, we can’t make you happy and we all know what happens when the woman is not happy. Its good to be the best man, husband and father a man can be, but we should never forget who we are. The minute we give up ourselves and become Mr. Softy, our lady will start taking us for granted.
    I hope this gives all the ladies a perspective of what I think a man can do to keep the fire in the relationship but like happyfatskinnygirl said, “… it goes both ways!” Its one thing if your man starts to do these things but if you don’t recognize his attempts it’s futile.
    Until the next time (my wife sits over my shoulder forcing me to write a response)
    A. Fox’s Husband

  • Jason B.

    Reply Reply June 22, 2008

    Beautiful response! I am a divorced male (not my choice) and before I got married, I used to “socialize” with several ladies. I always tell the bortha’s “How you start, is how you finish.” What I mean is men get comfortable once we get married, TOO DANMED COMFORTABLE and that can cause a typically faithful woman to look for attention anywhere she can get it. That’s usually where I would come in. Remember the song “Everything I miss at home?” that’s what we as men lose sight of when we get married. Treat her like you treated her when she was “just ya lady.” I know of several brotha’s who married beautiful women, then lost them because we couldn’t bring it home at night. So I became the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on, the afternoon lunch date and when you don’t come home, I’m the midnight snack. Fella’s try this little experiment (1) Before you go to work, leave a little note (no, not an essay just a couple of lines)or notes where you know she will find them. My personal favorite is to take a hot shower then, when the mirror is really steamed up, write something like “I got a surprise for you tonight” “I love you” ya know the so-called “game” we used to spit at every Nick T. party? Keep that going. (2)During the day, send her some flowers and maybe some chocolates :)(inside joke),(3) schedule a massage or facial for her on the weekend (cause you got plans for tonight) and (4) look up a VERY FANCY restaurant and make reservations for you two (don’t forget to call the babysitter). If this is not within your budget, then stop by a gourmet food store or a culinary school as their prices tend to be much more reasonable and either bring it home with a bottle of wine and even more flowers (Roses don’t cost that much) put some Luther or Prince on and make her FEEL the Love you have for her. You spent a grip trying to get, spend a little more to keep her. If not she will meet up with me or someone just like me and you don’t want that cause when you’re out at the club….Jodie’s got your girl and GONE!

  • Mz. Phyl

    Reply Reply June 25, 2008

    Well said A. Fox. Also, I think effectively communicating is key. For example, I’m an inner city, urban girl. That said, I normally shoot from the hip, straight with no chasers. I believe in say what you mean and mean what you say. You get the point. On the other hand, my boyfriend is very traditional and Southern. He was not accustomed to women communicating in such a direct, straightforward manner especially when talking about their wants and needs. So, when we first met, we were communicating, but speaking two different languages. I thought he was condescending and he thought I was demanding. I think both of us underestimated the impact of how much our environment, locality, role models, etc., etc. shaped how we related to the opposite sex. It took effort on both our parts but we finally developed a language we could both use to effectively communicate our needs and wants.

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply June 25, 2008

    Good compromise Mz Phyl…with you being from the DC ERR-E-AH….I know how you do. So I’m glad that you saw that compromising didn’t mean giving up who you were….it really means inviting someone into your world where they can understand who you are and they can be who they are.

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