Can You Take Your SO to Homecoming?

Taking Ya Folx (AKA Signifcant Other) to Homecoming when they didn’t’ go there!  Whew!  This is always a sticky situation.  To take, or not to take?  That is the question!  This is how I feel about taking My Folx to Homecoming @ HU (and I’m not talkin’ about Mom and Dad).  You have to be VERY secure in your relationship and they have to know how to play the back.  It’s almost like you’re the celebrity and they are your non-famous S.O.  You are huggin’ and posin’ (for pictures) with so many people.  Steppin’ with your frat or sorority that your SO certainly can get pushed to the side.  If they are the type that needs lots of hand-holding, then definitely HU (my alma mater) homecoming is NOT the place for them.  It’s hectic, hot, huggy, kissy, screamy and maybe you look a little too long at a past (coulda, shoulda, woulda-been) love.  Maybe that guy/girl that hugged you a little too tight or too long, you don’t introduce to your SO and it’s not because you don’t want to…maybe it’s legitimately because you don’t know the other person’s name.   But that sounds like a lame excuese, huh?

Also..(from SO) what’s up with you giving every dude you know you cell number???  (YOU) Oh…that’s so they can call me later and let me know how WE  are going to get into the party.  God forbid that fool takes it too far and is contacting you AFTER homecoming is over.  Your poor SO is always draggin’ one step behind you and if you’re not careful, they can look less like your SO and more like a lost puppy and probably feel that way too.

Me and Hubby have been going to HU HC together since we were engaged to be married (2003).  I gave him the “birds and the bees” talk before we stepped foot on campus and it went a little something like this.

Me:  OK…this is a BIG step you’re taking here.  Going to your first HU HC with someone who actually attened HU is big.  Are you ready?

Hubby (In his normal swagger):  Girl, I’ve been to HU HC’s before all the time, this ain’t no biggie for me!

Me (in slower ADULT voice):  OK, but now you’re with me and as we stroll across the yard, there will be several attempts to ask for my hand in marriage.  Though I will turn them all down, on some I may pause a little.  Will you be OK with those pauses?

Hubby (in a not so sure voice):  What chu mean PAUSE?

Me (moving on):  Forget that.  So there will be lots of hugs, maybe some cheek kisses and lots of screaming when I see people I haven’t seen in a long time. Could be guys.  Could be girls.   In some cases, I may forget to grab your hand and bring you along as I sprint across the yard in my stilletos.  You WILL have your cell phone in case you get lost, right?

Hubby:  What chu mean LOST?

Me:  OK…so the point is…keep up with me at all times.  There will be a lot going on.   So, let’s go over this again.  Do you have the following…..cell phone?  Bus fare to get you back home in case I forget and leave  you?    My itinerary in case you wanna link up with me later that night?

Hubby:  What chu mean “IN CASE”?

Me (once again in slow parent voice):  OK.  Are you sure you still wanna go?  This is a big step in our relationship.   It’s the equivalent of a guy taking a girl to a wedding of one of his CLOSE relatives.  Let me know if you don’t wanna go (secretly hoping he says no).

Hubby:  Nah…I think I can handle it

Me (in disbelieving voice):  OooooooKkkkkk.

So far…he’s handled it very well.  We’ve been 3 years out of 6 on the yard.

I’d be interested to hear your stories of how you and your SO have handled any HBCU homecoming.

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0 Comments

  • Chukundi

    Reply Reply October 16, 2008

    I took my wife when we got engaged.. it was important for her to see who my “OTHER” family is.. even though I dont see these people on the regular they are very close.. also, she had to see where “HER” money would be going as I go to homecoming every year.. she has been a couple times since then, but not every year..

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 16, 2008

    Damn Fox,

    Why don’t cha telim your gonna cash in your “for old times sake” dick coupon. Just kiddin.

    I don’t see an issue. The way I figure, as long as you’re willing to give your SO some “wiggle room” to enjoy him/herself, then everything should be fine. However, I’ve been to an A&T HC and it’s no place for a relationship on the rocks…A&T (Ass n Thighs) whew!!!

    Which HU is it out of curiosity?

  • Letitia

    Reply Reply October 16, 2008

    Girl!

    I know what you mean. I just say, “Honey, I’m going to my homecoming and no you are not going!” Because I know he wouldn’t understand the ECSU’s Viking Pride and the love our Viking family shares.

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 16, 2008

    JC…is there any OTHER HU to which you would be speaking???? Of course I went to Howard U…Hampton INSTITUTE University is a Johnny Come lately. :o)

    The real HU…and if you’re asking…that means you went to neither!!!! LOL!!!

    I’m just playin’ really. I’ve had cousins, friends, etc. attend Hampton…so it’s all good! I direct my family to the first HBCU of their choice. So far, I’ve been able to influence Hampton, U of MD Eastern Shore and Spelman. I’m working on the next generation. :o)

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    LMAO…I knew I’d strike a cord. I knew you meant Howard, and no, I didn’t go to either…I knew better.:0) Actually, I have the utmost respect for HU and I love DC.

  • Guttersnipe

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    This is classic funny !

  • JEWELL ROLLEN

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    I TOOK MY CURRENT WIFE TO HC @ TENNESSEE STATE ONCE….END OF STORY. NOW I GO ALONE AND HOOK UP WITH MY BOYS FOR A WEEK-END OF FUN! WAY TOO MUCH HUGGIN & KISSN’ FOR HER TO DEAL WITH………..

  • Laurie

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    I have never taken my hubby to Virginia State’s homecoming, and I probably won’t until I’m very old and gray! It’s just too much babysitting if your SO didn’t attend your school. Fortunately, mine is cool with staying home that weekend.

  • KIM

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    These type of issues is why I think it is very important for Howardites to marry each other!! You just can’t beat that HU Love.

  • Islandluva

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    We’ve had this convo many, many, many times. And no, if they didn’t attend VSU, they won’t/don’t understand. The relationships are complicated and full of love, even if nothing is giong on.

    I took my now ex-husband once. He had a good time and let me do me, but that’s why he’s my EX!!!!

    My suggestion is this, if he/she wants to come, tell them to bring a friend!!!

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 17, 2008

    A lotta coupons get cashed in VA I see…maybe I shoulda went to HU.:0) I dunno tho…AGGIES proly need to marry each other too. AGGIE PRIDE!!!

  • EA

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    `

    Doesn’t really apply this year…but I enjoyed reading your usual thoughtful, comical advice. Hubby can handle it, but can you handle it? LOL
    A Fox, I know you can handle most anything.

  • Kev J (A Fox Hubby)

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    This is too funny. The truth is, I am internationally known, nationally recognized, and locally accepted(LMAO) HU’s HC is just another day on the yard, at another HBCU. As a husband who suffers from a disease called HIGH SELF-ESTEEM, I enjoy and encourage her to get out and show that in 2008 she looks better than she did in 1989. For all the guys that exchange numbers and still enjoy the pipe dreams of the coulda, shoulda, woulda… I hope they enjoy my wife’s company and conversation.

    I enjoy the lovely sites and the attention I get from the women as the “who is this guy to have married such a stunnah?”. The truth is I am cool with the fact that my wife invites me.

    To all of those couples who suffer through this issue, All I can say is, make sure you like your S.O. enough to take them and make sure your S.O. knows you like them enough that you wouldn’t ‘wild out’ in front of them.

  • RM

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    i’m recently married. and was going to bring my wife with me to homecoming this year – um, the real hu, the one by the sea, not the one where you have to run from the towers to your class, for fear of being mugged – jks. gotta a lot of love for both! anyway, back to the topic at hand. well my homies and i had initially planned to bring the SOs; but then some how this got turned into a leave the wives at home trip. my wife was pretty upset as she was excited to attend her first hbcu homecoming. my wife is cool with a couple of female friends i have from hampton but at the last minute they decided to pull out as well (the recession is real, so i keep hearing). so that would’ve definitely had the ‘mrs’ feeling like a lost puppy, but i already knew that if the other wives weren’t going then it would be disastrous for both. i’m kind of disappointed for her cuz she was really excited about going – but i haven’t been to homecoming in a few years, so i have a feeling the huggin & (cheek) kissin’ will be a little extra this year… and i know that would’ve been one long car ride home!

    this was a good topic though. its good to see how other handle/handled the situation.

    as for ‘islandluva’ – i’m currious by her statement – “he let her do her and thats why he’s her ex” – too funny! 🙂

  • I.H

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    Would love to take him…..but he truly wouldn’t get it…..Toooooooo much AggieLove!!! I realized I wouldn’t be able to share my experience with him when we got into a debate about HBCUs years ago (don’t ask)…So, having to explain what we do at our HC festivities each year, I knew he wouldn’t understand hanging out at “Headquarters” after the game, in a lobby of 15,000 (without going into the actual party ). This just would not register with him as having a good time. It may be a little selfish, but I go to HC to hang with my girls, see old faces and friends. The last thing i want to experience is being stressed out because my SO is asking every five minutes “who was that again” because he don’t believe “he’s just a friend”……….nope home he stays! lolol

  • EA

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    I’ve become as big a fan of Kev as I am of A. Fox.
    That’s a reply with swagger Kev! I see you got my point.

    Not everyone has the coupled strength of the two of you,
    so SO’s beware if you got any ‘hatin’ in ya, because HU love can trigger it!

  • LB

    Reply Reply October 18, 2008

    My hubby had heard a lot of my ECSU days and my friends -plus he met a couple of them before we married in 98. Our first HC was in 02 and I gave him the rundown again before we hit the yard. I had caught up with a former beau and had been chatting/catching up on life since those days (10 yrs prior); we saw one another that day – spoke, hugged, introduced to my hubby and moved along (although it seemed a couple of times I looked up he was looking at me/us). My husband knows I’m in my element and doesn’t want to rain on my parade as it is only 1x a yr sometimes 2 if we go to winter HC so he hangs in there and/or steps to the fence to watch the game/keeps his cell phone on and set a meet up point if we get separated for a bit as I like walking around some. He Is Secure and Knows He IS THE ONLY ONE & No other can compare.

  • Kev J (A Fox Hubby)

    Reply Reply October 19, 2008

    Awwwww…LB. I love your response!!!!!
    EA…you know Kevin Jigga will appreciate your response (I read it to him). He says…this was one of his BEST homecomings.

    LH….lawd….I can imagine the HBCU debate. I’m guessing your SO did NOT attend one! :o) I’ve been there with NON-HBCU’ers. Me and Hubby attended HBCU’s although different ones.

    RM…so sad for your wife, but I DO understand it would NOT have been OK. ;o) Awwww….she was so excited, huh? Make sure you tell your homies that NEXT year…the SO’s definitely have to come. She can’t keep getting left behind. :o)

  • DubCee

    Reply Reply October 20, 2008

    As a female I think that I can (and have) taken my SO with me to homecoming (AggiePride!!!!!!!!!). We have a very strong friendship, which makes our relationship that much better. He knows about the dudes I have dealt with and is not an insecure person, so guys coming up to me or me getting or giving my number to men doesn’t set off any jealousy. He knows I love him. And I firmly believe that its a reason people are in your PAST!!! My man has made me a better person and I would never exclude him from something that I enjoy so much!!!!

  • Jeff

    Reply Reply October 20, 2008

    I took my S.O. to the H.U. Homecoming this year. It takes a LOT of early prep! I started talking early, (June, ’08) about how I would be ‘claimed’ by old friends, with the fear of being hugged by my old flames. Sure enough, an old flame planted one dead on the lips in the middle of the HU Yard. I am grateful to the founders of HU for locating the institution in a tourist city! The Smithsonian saved my ass, because there would be no logical explanation that could quell the impending weeks of the cold shoulder!
    With early preparation, the S.O. can know that he or she cannot expect to be a constant ‘hanger-on’. Homecoming is about getting all excited when you see old friends, as well as old flames. Both friends and flames can instantly bring up old memories that can be quite embarrassing to your now, more mature, personality! It is made more uncomfortable when the flashback takes place in front of your current significant other! To be free to speak of those times with the actors from back in the day, one needs to be free and uninhibited…in other words, alone.
    It is natural that you S.O. would want to see part of what made you into the person he or she is now with, but they don’t need ALL the details.

  • LBR

    Reply Reply October 20, 2008

    Oh! You picked a real touchy subject!

    The FAMU Classics (ATL and Orlando) are like a mini-reunions. Leaving the wife at home allows me to “be out” and I have a better time just hanging out without a curfew. I like to bring along to atleast one game, so she can atleast have an idea of some of my extended family, but I got to find the right balance. She does not like crowds and staying out late. Needless to say, if she comes along I’m not staying out late either. I am also very conscious of how long I hug and I try to make sure I don’t seem too excited when I run into members of the opposite sex. I’m hoping the more exposure the SO gets, the more comfortable she will be with hanging with my people.

  • DA

    Reply Reply October 20, 2008

    This is too funny! Great story, and I just had this convo YESTERDAY w/my SO. WOW! Well we’re gonna try this “going to MSU’s homecoming” thing and see how it works.He and I always have fun together so it shouldnt be an issue, right? LOL! Besides he attended the school we’re playing so there may be some of his own “folks” there. Ya’ll just pray for me 😉

  • Queen B

    Reply Reply October 20, 2008

    I am glad this topic is up for suggestions. I am single and have attended 8 out of 10 Fayetteville State homeomings. Most years, I was single, but one year I took him and he COULDN’T HANDLE IT! Needless to say, he showed off and was a cause for us to wrap up the homecoming plans quickly with a trip back home in the middle of the night. This year’s FSU homecoming was awesome, but it hit me hard to see almost every male classmate with wedding bands on, BUT with no spouse on hand with them. What is that really about!? Seems like it would be somewhat easier if both parties went to the same HBCU. Then, that way you will know about how intense the friendships are when attending homecoming and seeing all the number swaps and hugs.

  • ATSU

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    I don’t think your SO had to attend your HBCU to understand homecoming, if they attended any HBCU they should know what homecomings and classics experiences are like and mean. The fact that most HBCUs games are a family atmosphere, if your SO is a secure and friendly person they should blend right in.

  • Ole Skool Q

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    I understand where alot of you are coming from by not wanting to take your “SO” to Homecoming but why wouldnt you. The excuses of wanting to “Be Out”, see those old flames, passing numbers, and not wanting to any drama are “cop-outs”. If you can’t hang out around old friends and not go over board(THINGS YOU WOULDN’T NORMALLY DO IN YOUR “SO” PRESENCE), then you got a problem. The reason why is no matter if its Homecoming or Vegas with Da’ Bruhs you should always treat your relationship with you “SO” with up most respect and your “SO” should be able to share those Homecomings and Classic with you and your HCBU family.

    P.S. My bad “What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas!” LMAO

  • Nikki

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    Now that was funny. I even laughed out loud with the sprinting with the stilettos comment. The bottom line is you need to know your mate. If they can handle it, then by all means get out there and have a good time. If they can’t then you definitely don’t need to take them. Which brings up a couple of questions about your relationship. Is this how its going to be forever? Am I never going to be able to attend functions because of his/her insecurities?

    Homecoming could be the beginning of the end! lol
    SU Jags!!

  • LBR

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    Going to homecoming without the So doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doing something you wouldn’t do around them. It’s more of a matter of them having to be comfortable not being the center of your attention for a few days and they have to be interested in your life before you met. Most SO probably would be OK for a few hours of listnening to their mate shoot the sh*# with old friends, but a whole weekend of it? I surely would not want to sit for that if it were her and her girlfriends from her college.

  • Princess

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    It made perfect sense to me that my fairly new SO and I would attend HU HC together this year. Wonder if he was struggling internally w/ the question seeing as though he’s a bison as well. In the future we’ll have to discuss a don’t ask, don’t tell policy…

  • phoenixrsing

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    Wow so the person you are with is obsolete? Why be with them? If you are married and you can stand before God and all those people and take a vow then you go to your homecoming/yard and represent. How do you lose an entire at homecoming it’s not Disneyworld or Water Country!!!! Homecoming is a couple of days remembering not reliving your past. You have celebrity-like status when you hit campus…umm ok. I look at it this way when you see a strong accomplished man/woman, i.e. Denzel Washington; he’s got his wife RIGHT THERE! He’s not telling her to smooth back so he can get his shine on. Don’t get me wrong I understand wanting to reconnect with friends but why does your SO hinder that exchange? I LOVE MY SO with all my heart I would not put myself or them in a position where conversations such as the above would even exist. Last question I have is who are you changing into when you go to the Classics and Homecomings that you cannot expose to your SO? I am blown away by the lack of character being displayed by these intelligent successful African Americans.

  • T - Frez

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    You should NEVER be ashamed of your “SO” where I’m there she will be. We are together. If you can get along with the “In – Laws”, Babies Mammas, and Babies Daddies then How can HC be SOOOOOOO hard to do??? If you got to think about it then you don’t need to be together. If you have nerve to tell you “SO” We’ll get back up later or get “separated”, then you will not have an “SO” for long. Somebody Will make sure they have a GOOOOOOD time!!!!!!!

    I for one LOVE MY “SO”. There is nothing I have to hide or worry about. We TALK to each other. I know her and she Knows me. If She ask,” Did you get with her???” I’ll be like, ” Yeah, I did.” So, there is no problem with the hugging and kissing. She knows that was the past and this is now. No matter what happens We are leaving HC TOGETHER!!!!!!!!

    However, if your STILL carrying a torch or trying to cash in those coupons then you need to stay single. HC is the time to show growth reflect and enjoy life. If you found someone that you love, then you would want your peeps to know about it. I know that happiness brings about happiness so share your happiness with everyone.

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    All good exchange. As I’ve stated above, I’ve not been to a HC where Hubby did not attend. It seems as if the latter comments have trended towards folx wanting to “get out” or “being ashamed of” their SO. I don’t believe that is the case for most of us…but I will give a tale of TWO cities. My sister usta go to HC with her SO and he would scrutinize EVERYTHING. I mean even stuff that SHE felt was insignificant. That hug was a little too long…you ran up to HIM…how come you didn’t introduce me to HIM…Who you looking for (when you just swiveling your head around and peepin’ the crowd)? So it just makes for an uncomfortable and unenjoyable HC…when what you want is a relaxing, fun time. It’s like trying to explain to your SO why you’re cheating, when you’re not cheating, but when you say, I’m not cheating, they don’t believe you. It really borders on the security of the relationship…and some SO’s just can’t relax, relate and release. Maybe they are not people persons. Maybe they just don’t understand just how SupaStar you were…or maybe they just can’t handle seeing your old jang-a-langs….(you know how some men are simply possessive….though intellectually they understand there were others…somehow seeing The Others has a strange effect).
    There are various reasons…but I will say that if HC is your only issue…then it’s probably not time to throw your SO away…..but if they JUST can’t hang with your other folx (parents, cousins, girls, boys, etc.)…then maybe it is time to relook at the relationship.

    Me and hubby have been married for 5.5 years and to every HC we could.
    He knows I’ve turned in my playa’s card…but his “good time” is watching ME be ME. Not every SO can watch their SO in their element and be OK knowing that if he/she is going home with me…then nothing else matters.

    Just my 25 cents.

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 21, 2008

    I mis-stated that folx wanna “get out”. I meant that the last responding comments seemed to indicate that in previous comments folx only wanted to leave their SO’s at home SO they could “get out”……not that they actually did….

    It just seemed a little funny when I read it back. Sorry.

    Bottom line is that I don’t think the majority of people wanna do anything wrong…they just want it to be all good and have a good time while doing it.

  • phoenixrsing

    Reply Reply October 22, 2008

    I think it’s all about perception, trust, and security. I have loved my SO for 16 years (I was just a freshman) and going strong so for me it was a knee jerk reaction to read this. He’s a very attractive frat boy who was well known on campus but as he says he jumped off the hoe train lol. So when we have encountered previous “passengers” I am cool, I know he’s proud of having me by his side. When we are at school functions I enjoy listening to the “remember when” stories and seeing the people that affected his life. We have so much fun together I know we are blessed to have each other so when we go to school functions it’s not so much about the fun we can have as individuals it’s about what we do as a couple.

  • ToniB

    Reply Reply October 22, 2008

    The question of significant others at Homecoming is a significant issue. If the ‘other’ didn’t go to an HBCU (or grew up with people who went to HBCU’s), they just don’t ‘get it’. It can be very difficult to process “the energy”. Sometimes we show up on the yard and fall right back into old roles. Human nature is so fascinating. I’ve tried taking SO’s to Homecoming twice. Once with a really attractive, fit, attorney who went to college in Illinois. He acted out that night and basically broke up with me the next day. There were so many brothers at Homecoming that year. It’s interesting because HBCU brothers radiate a sort internal strength and confidence that just makes them attractive, so attractive that other men notice. The other guy I took to a Homecoming kept asking about the men and making jokes about those “Howard guys” for weeks. The crazy part is that when we were in school I never realized just how fly my classmates were. After my ex- pointed it out it made me even more proud to be a “Howard girl”. I wouldn’t be too keen on taking my SO….only if he insisted on going…even then I would suggest that I roll solo. Maybe taking them to another alumni event makes better sense, but not Homecoming. Nope.

  • Monica

    Reply Reply October 22, 2008

    The real question is…Why would your S.O. want to attend your Homecoming anyway? I attended the “real” HU. I have no desire to attend any other Homecoming other than my own, so I never understood this concept. If I should ever get married, you’ll only see my hubby on the Yard acting as a honeydew and a babysitter.

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 22, 2008

    ToniB – I’m lovin how you describe us HBCU brothas havin “internal strength”. But c’mon, what role did you fall into that you pissed off a lawyer? I don’t know too many attorneys, but the ones I know are a little more confident then that.

    Monica – Why does hubby hafta be a babysitter? Why can’t he go enjoy himself (walk the yard, pick up shirts, watch the greeks)? If I had married a bison, I wouldn’t mind goin to an HU HC. The question is, do HU women have enough internal strength to let me roam and not hafta sit up under them.

    This goes to my original point. If you’re gonna do your thing, then let me do mine. I may not know as many people, but I can meet folx.

    Phoenix, you alright wit me.

  • phoenixrsing

    Reply Reply October 23, 2008

    Thanks JC you made valid points too

  • JMac

    Reply Reply October 23, 2008

    Taking the SO for new relationships is a tough channel to navigate. I took my then fiance to our Morgan HC when it was at M&T Ravens Stadium. The post game flow on the club level was waaaaay more intense than the yard. It seemed like everybody was there and of course many of the Ex’s, wouldas, couldas, and meant-to-get-back-to’s were up in the spot. It meant for a long ride back to Jawja but we survived it and went back several years later with the little one’s. That went over a lot smoother.

    But let’s not front folks, a couple of sips of the potion, some rekindling, and a stroll down memory lane could land a committed person, if they’re not careful, into an episode of “How Did This Happen!” We all like to think we are strong but be honest there’s somebody in our past that new just how to touch us, talk to us, and tempt us into a regretful situation given space and opportunity. A SO at home gives a whole new meaning to space and opportunity. As a proud parent I can go back on my own because the family unit is too much to lose on the risk of some “Remembering the Tantric”.

    If your SO didn’t go to a HBCU don’t let their first experience be HC. Ease them into the frenzy with a smaller game, if you can.

  • Debra

    Reply Reply October 23, 2008

    I am reading the comments and I have this to say:

    For homecoming me and mine (my sisters and girlfriends) and theirs (boyfriends, SO, husbands) separate for the game/tailgating portion of homecoming. The men go do them and we women go do us. If we end up in the same place at the same time, then we laugh and talk about who we have seen. But for the most part we go our own ways.

    After the game we are all together and we hang out for the evening. It works, there is no one constantly asking questions about who, what, when, where, or why. The men have a good time and so do the women. Everyone is secure in the fact that when it is time to leave the yard, we are leaving with the same men we started with (and vise versa).

    I do understand that some women and men are extremely jealous, but I think it is unrealistic to think that life started with your mate when they met you. If they are acting that simple at HC, then I can just imagine what you must be dealing with on a day to day. – JMO

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 23, 2008

    Well Debra…your scenario only seems to work (to me) if everyone went to said HBCU or even AN HBCU….but it still seems like a good way for everyone to have a good time w/o the drama….IMHO

    I like what Toni said….if it doesn’t go well…it’s an energy drain. That’s a good way to put it. It’s an energy drain on you and on the relationship as a whole.

    But I think it CAN be done. My two cents
    1) You have to know your SO
    2) You have to be secure in your relationship
    3) You have to be responsible with your “body smackin'”
    4) You might need to have “the talk” first. :o)

  • JW

    Reply Reply October 23, 2008

    My girls and I have an agreement where we bring our SO’s to every other homecoming. It’s working out very well, so far. On the years that they are around, we do a few couple events and they can entertain each other when we are doing other things. Everyone has a great time and drama is kept to a minimum… as are flirting, giggling, picture posing and number exchanges. On the alternate years, we REALLY kick it and vow that the SO’s will never come back… but they never let that fly. They all went to white schools, so they love to get a taste of a real college experience.

    On the other hand, my mom has been going to my dad’s HCs for over 30 years and she is as much a part of the family as he is. In fact, his classmates are disappointed on the rare years that she does not attend. Many even belive that she graduated from his school. It’s what you make it, I suppose.

  • eric

    Reply Reply October 24, 2008

    would you take sand to the beach?

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 24, 2008

    It depends on what you mean by that, Eric.
    Can you expand please?

  • Dat 'Howard' dude

    Reply Reply October 25, 2008

    Ok, I am not married or currently have a S.O. however, I was intrigued by the title (thx. A. Fox), but if I were involved – she wouldn’t come. It would be time apart to hang with friends male & female. I am best friends with a female from freshman year (HU), and we’ve never crossed that line (& won’t). After she’d sign me out at the ‘Quad’, I’d have a girl (I liked) paged to then sign me in. The lady behind the desk tried to tell on me (to my friend). We laugh about that still. Even when my freind was married, we did the HC thing minus ol’ dude — too much explaining and it would be uncomforatble on both parts. I’m not that same youngin’! Guys & Girls can be platonic friends!

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 25, 2008

    I can’t speak on the whole situation, but to me, “Was married” comes from “minus ol’ dude”. Ol’ dude?

    If guys and girls could be platonic friends I wouldn’t be married. I’m just sayin dawg…step it light.

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 25, 2008

    AGGIES 21
    BISONS 20

    DAT’S RIGHT!!!!

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 26, 2008

    I’m not exactly sure what JC was talking about in his FIRST response, but I think I’m about to say something similar…to Dat Howard Dude

    YOU might not like her, but SHE likes you…and she’s liked you every since Freshman year! That’s why you’re still married and she’s not…she REALLY likes you. But anyway…plutonic friends are not truly plutonic friends unless SO’s can be part of the equation.

    PS JC…your sports commentary is mis-placed AND unwanted! :o)))) LOL

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 26, 2008

    I just wanted to add one other thought.

    The nature of how others (members of the opposite sex) respond to your SO is really based on YOU. You as the common link between your SO and your past (or present) set the expectations.

    Men know that if they disrespect my relationship by even SUGGESTING that something improper could jump off….then the friendship (plutonic or otherwise) gets dumped off. Respect me, respect my decision (of who I decide to marry or partner with), respect my SO translates into respecting my relationship.

  • JC

    Reply Reply October 26, 2008

    That’s exactly what I was saying. The “I wouldn’t be married” comment comes from me marrying a once plutonic friend. I’m speaking from experience…that’s all. If he’s not trying to go there with her, he must chose his steps wisely.

    Okay Fox, next topic. You can stick a fork in this one.

  • A. Fox

    Reply Reply October 26, 2008

    dang…are you rushing me! :o)

    Now I’m @ 50 comments…so I can go on!

  • starr71

    Reply Reply October 31, 2008

    I’ve been attending homecomings sporadically since graduating in ’93, but in all these years I’ve never had a SO that I even WANTED to bring to homecoming. Now that I’m married, and even before we got married, my hubby has expressed interest in going to homecoming. He didn’t go to college, but is former military, so he understands the comraderie of a close-knit group of folks with shared experiences. He’s like that with other military folks. The only reason we haven’t been thus far is me– I just haven’t been interested in going in the last few years. But we do plan on going next year. He’s more interested in going to the game and hanging on the yard than partying. I don’t necessarily have “celebrity status” when I’m on the yard, so I don’t think we’ll have any problems 🙂

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